a new beginning

Yesterday was the beginning of a new me...a me free from anything that links me to my past. I am at a point where I can stop looking back and focus on the future and that gives me a feeling of peace.

I thought it would feel different. That I might be sad or even cry at the end of such an important part of my life, but I didn't. I actually had the best nights sleep in a long time, I slept the entire night. A gift from God.

My parents are coming in town tonight...I'm very excited. I love seeing them and having them around. My mom is staying for a whole week! She's going to attempt to teach me how to knit. It should be interesting, considering I will be useless with all the medication I will be taking. But it will be fun. The last time she tried teaching me was hysterical. My mom is right handed and I'm left handed so everything she taught me ended up being backward. Hard as I tried I just couldn't knit anything without it being inside out!

This weekend should be relaxing. We are going to do some things around the house and prepare the basement for whoever moves in. I think we might visit Waxhaw. Just kind of bum around, which is always fun. Hopefully I will get the stink from my brothers dogs out of the house before they get here...yuck!

Quote of the day: "You can't live a perfect day without doing something for someone who will never be able to repay you" -John Wooden

Expanding our knowledge

I love the third Tuesday of the month because I get to spend my day with the Women's Auxiliary. Now, for those of you who are not familiar with The Salvation Army or might not know what a Women's Auxiliary is...let me explain. The Women's Auxiliary is a group of about 150 women from the community who volunteer their free time, of which some women have more than others, to help make The Salvation Army a better place (to learn more about Charlotte's Women's Auxiliary, please go to http://www.salvationarmycharlotte.org/WomensAuxiliary.html).

So, our WA meets the third Tuesday of every month, September through May. Since we are in the process of selling the Charlotte Area Command building, we have been holding our meetings at other locations. Today we were at the Adult Rehabilitation Center (ARC).

The ARC is an incredible facility...I am reminded of this every time I visit. I often lose sight of how blessed I am to be dealing with minor things such as unsightly weight gain or annoying facial blemishes when there are others who are struggling to overcome drug and alcohol addictions. The ARC is a facility that embodies The Salvation Army's mission to lead men into a proper relationship with God. Not only do they focus on spiritual development that needs to occur in order to become closer to God, but they realize the need to address the physical issues as well. Major Overton said today that you cannot speak to someone of God's love when his feet are hurting...it's true. I go off into another world if my hair tickles my face, what would I do if an addiction was taking over my mind?

I learned that every month, the last Wednesday of every month, is the night that sobriety is celebrated. The men receive a special dinner and then there is a ceremony. I am planning to attend this months celebration. These men need all the support they can get. Struggling through a program that is breaking down everything they have been conditioned to know as living, starting their life from square one and then being reintroduced into society as a "productive member". What does that mean, a "productive member of society"...another topic for another day.

Well, it's time to go home so I'm gonna run. Just wanted to share my excitement from the day and hopefully get some other people excited.

Grown up...

It's a dreary day. It's cold and rainy and all I want to do is curl up and read a good book. I should probably go grocery shopping...I'll compromise and lay on the couch with two dogs and my roommate. My roommate...the woman who prompted my thoughts for this entry. Entry? I guess I look at this as some type of journal, though I should watch what I write (you never know who stalks you!!!). Back to my roomie...

What a woman. She is incredible and I love her. She went to visit her boyfriend this past weekend and came back...ENGAGED!!! We all knew it was going to happen but I'm not sure any of us expected it before he was down here. What a way to start the new year! Her ring, you might ask, what does it look like? It's beautiful! So simple, so sparkly...so her.

I had thoughts on how we are so young and it's weird that everyone around me is either engaged, married or expecting a baby...but it's not. I'm coming to terms with the fact that I'm entering a new phase in life and that phase seems to be adulthood. Who new it would ever happen.

I love my roomie and her fiance...may God continue to bless them.

Good bye, 2005...

I just spent the past two and a half hours finishing a book that I've been reading. It's been a while since I've done that. It's been a while since I've done a lot of things, like not shower for four days. Pretty gross...but it gave me a sense of freedom that I haven't had in a while. For four whole days there were no feelings of being lazy, hogging space or being just plain boring. I slept, ate, cleaned and showered when I wanted. It was empowering! But back to this book...

It's called "The Summer I Dared" and a woman lives through this devastating accident and realizes she needs to make some changes and start living for herself. I've come to that sort of realization in the past year as well. It was one year ago today that my boyfriend of three and half years broke my heart after asking my father for my hand in marriage, us co-signing a new truck for him and moving my entire life to an apartment we were supposed to share (that I payed half of everything and didn't stay in more than one month on a 9 month lease!) I don't write this to have pity or sympathy, just setting the stage. I know that nothing happened to me that I didn't allow or enable.

So, one year ago today, January 2nd, I became an independent woman. I don't think many people thought I would come through the break up. I have to admit I have led a pretty pathetic life. There have been many times I thought things would be better off...anyway, not gonna finish that thought. The night I confronted him about the break up I tried to show how strong I could be and defiantly told him he would be back...and he has been.

I have spent the past year making changes in my life, some have been drastic and others have been subtle and often unnoticed. I am slowly working towards loving myself, something I haven't felt since...high school? I'm not sure if that's true. I know I liked myself a bit, but I'm not sure if I've ever truly loved myself...does anyone?

Over the past year I have made new friends, rekindled old relationships, lost some very important ones and some not so important ones. I have had a few flings, been stalked a bit, tried on-line dating and realized it's not for me. I've taken on new roles and let go of some old ones. Quit my job about a million times...in my head.

One of the things I'm most proud of is my limitation of alcohol. The realization that I don't enjoy the person I am, the things I do when I drink. I've noticed that the friends I used to drink with aren't so entertaining when I haven't been drinking. This may not sound like too much of a victory or revelation to some, but with a fear of alcoholism in my family...it's a giant leap for me.

I have started 2006 with a clear head, a fairly clear heart and the plans of a clean body...until my next vacation. I'm intrigued to see what changes this next year will bring.

Happy New Year!