support, even when you don't agree

in another month my brother will be halfway around the world, again. i'm a little scared because it's starting to feel normal. the first time he was deployed, i could barely get the words out before i was broken down in tears...not so much anymore.

i'm either beginning to think he is invincible, or my emotions are being broken down and i'm not feeling as much anymore.

my mind is wandering in so many different directions, i'm not quite sure how this will all spill out, so bear with me. i started thinking about my brother and why he joined the military in the first place, what i remember saddens me. my brother was not the brain of the family, but he was far from wearing the dunce hat. he struggled through school in some areas, but really excelled in others...during his last two years of high school, he built a house with his vocational school (he signed up to attend this specialized school for half days, i think he studied construction and that type of thing). when it came time to speak with his counselor about college and where he should apply, she actually looked him in the face and said he shouldn't even attempt college because he wasn't smart enough. can you believe that???!!! thank the Lord for public education! so, discouraged, he joined the military and went to basic a month after graduation.

he has made the military his career. don't get me wrong, he loves it, but i wonder what his life might have held had he chosen a different route. now, in his 10th year of service, he is going back to school, courtesy of the military. yay!!!

this made me wonder how many other soldiers joined for that reason, joined because they felt they weren't smart enough, someone told them they couldn't do any better, or they felt that was the only way they could get a paycheck. all of those kids who are in basic training the day after graduation terrified of being sent to another country.

my father was in the military, as was my grandfather...i guess it kinda runs in our family. though they didn't make it a career, just felt it was something they should do. i don't know much about my grandfather and his experiences, God rest his soul, but i have talked with my dad a bit. he served in Vietnam.

my heart aches for those veterans. not because i agree with, or even understand anything about that war...but because of the way our country treated them. when my father returned from the war and his time was up, he attempted college. i choose to leave names out because it is a different time and there is no need to know. the first college he attended froze him out. he was ignored on campus, during class and deliberately made to feel as though he didn't belong because he had served in the military. i don't think he lasted two semesters. and bless his heart for having the desire to try again! he began at another school not too far away and found a home there.

i know people oppose war, i understand people don't support whatever reasons they are aware of or want to take a stand and show our President why he's wrong...but why does it need to be taken out on the soldiers? at this point there is no draft, men and women are choosing to join the military and are being sent over-seas to do whatever it is they are told. some may support these reasons, but some might not. why not support them all just in case? why not let them know that there are people thinking about them and praying for them and hoping they come home safe, that they come home soon?

i participate in a program called AdoptAPlatoon. it matches volunteers with soldiers who wish to receive mail, packages...anything to keep their spirits up and remind them that they are not forgotten. to remind them that they are loved. i'm so proud to be a part of that group. i love what they do and how hard they work to make sure every soldier who wants to be matched up is matched up. i received my first soldier last fall and he returned to the states at Christmas, yay! i began writing to my second in February, i believe, and then received an email pleading for more volunteers. there aren't enough people willing to write to soldiers. you know this broke my heart...i began writing my second soldier at the beginning of May.

last week i received an email pleading for still more volunteers...i broke down. how awful to be away from your family, friends and anything familiar for who knows how long without anyone to write and say hello. someone to give you a break from your day to day life and tell you about what's going on in theirs. i offered to write to two more...

i don't support war, i don't agree with our military being involved in other countries and their affairs, but i also don't have any idea what is really going on over there. all i know is there are men and women who have been deployed to places all over the world and they need to know they are not forgotten.

i don't know if any of this makes any sense...i didn't intend to write so much or fly off on a tangent, i am just trying to stay awake while i wait for my sheets to dry.

i love my brother, seth and thomas, and hope you all will join me in praying for them over the next few months. we all need someone to think about us and keep us close to their heart.

growing through His love...

yum yum

choices

sometimes we are forced to choose pain for a loved one or pain for ourselves...wouldn't this seem like an easy decision? for those who have felt the pain of letting a loved one go, you know it's not.

brandy will be forever in our hearts.

missing home

Well, it's Thursday night around 10pm (that would make it around 4pm on the east coast of the US)and I'm packing everything up to head home...well, I'm typing right now and then am going to finish packing.

It's been a great trip. We traveled to a lot of places and saw a lot of things, but I'm ready to come home.

After I get home and things get back to normal, I will post some of the hundreds of pictures from our trip and tell you more about it. I will also finish telling you about our Sunday in Martinsville at some point.

I've missed you all terribly and can't wait for some good hugs...I'm starving!!!

growing through His love...

touching hearts

It's taken me two days to find a few minutes to sit down and get these thoughts out of my head so here goes...

This past weekend Sarah, Paula, Wayne, Booth and I went to Martinsville, VA to do their music Sunday (I think that's what Wayne called it). We drove up Saturday evening and met the corps officers and their family for dinner, what an amazing group. After dinner (best baked spaghetti I've had in awhile!) we drove up a mountain...or at least that's what it felt like...and had some fellowship time at their home. Let me tell you, Martinsville may be a tiny town with nothing but a Walmart and ' ollyw od' (hollywood) sign, but they sure do know how to treat their officers! What an amazing house!

Sunday...where do I begin? Our group had been asked to handle Sunday School as well as the Worship Service so we got to the corps and began setting things up. It was incredible how all of our individual projects worked together so well...their songs, Sarah's testimini, my Sunday school activity and Wayne's scripture verses. This weekend was nothing less than a gift from God.

Sunday school began, everyone was combined into one group and we met in the chapel. Sarah did some really fun bible drills, songs were sung and then I did my activity. Everyone received a white tube sock and a marker and were told to write a loving thought about a person on his/her "cast". I let them share the love for about 10 minutes before I finally had to settle them down so we could continue with the lesson, I think they could have spent all day lifting each other up!

After Sunday school we took a short break to regroup.

When worship began you could already sense it was going to be an amazing day...people were being moved with such force you could see it happening. Emotions were running high, not with crazy hysterical crying; but joyful, thank the Lord for finally breaking through this funk that surrounds me crying! It was a blessing to witness someone who had been afraid to worship because of battles she was, and still is, fighting deep in her soul break free and share it with those around so we could all rejoice for her renewed strength.

Then, I gave my testimony. Talk about being scared...scared isn't the word for what I felt. I didn't sleep well on Saturday night, I was worried about telling a group of people I didn't know about some pretty intense things. It was going to be the first time I had shared my testimony, completely, with anyone. Pretty much everyone I know is aware of bits and pieces...but no one has ever been told everything, beginning to end.

So I'm worried about telling these intimate things with strangers, not only because I would be opening myself up, but because I was afraid of how they would react. Would they find my story bogus? Poor little girl who had it so bad...while others are fighting to keep a roof over their head...I couldn't imagine what they would think of me.

When they were done singing and Sarah handed me the microphone, I could hardly stand I was so numb. My heart was beating so loud I thought my eardrums would explode. I walked over in front of the podium and sat down on the steps, and that's where I stayed the entire time. The devil tried to scare me out of telling these people what I had been through (and believe me, I was about two steps from telling Wayne I couldn't do it) but God pushed me through.

Not only did he push me through the fear but he spoke through me. I have never talked so freely in front of a group of strangers, especially about an emotional subject...I think they could understand me the entire time!!! I cried through the entire thing, but not the blubbering, can't catch my breath crying I typically do, just tears streaming down my cheeks.

So we spoke, God and I. Then I read the verses Wayne had requested and went back to my seat.

more to come

growing through His love...

exposed

I am exposed.

Nothing is protected.

I will hold nothing back.

Nothing is my own.

growing through His love...

manic monday

So I just got back from getting the most incredible massage, ever! I forgot how much I enjoy people rubbing on me!!! (all you dirty people: get it out of the gutter!) I had the same guy, George, as the first time Sarah and I went to this place (if you want to know you will have to contact me and complete the rituals set forth by the chosen ones because it is the best kept secret in Charlotte!). So, George, incredible...talented...skilled in his trade...gift from God? I think he might be my soulmate...I really want to ask him to move in with me so he can do that every night before I go to bed. (do you get the idea of how much I love this guy!!!???) I went in grumpy and came out feeling refreshed and happy...and disappointed (because it was over!) Ok, I'm going to stop talking about George...for now.

This weekend was really fun. Sarah and I drove up to Virginia to see Anna and Justin in a play, How to Succeed in Business, and it was awesome! I love watching the two of them act...such talent! It was also an exhausting weekend because we didn't get up there until 3am Saturday morning, slept until 1 or so, got home from the show and stayed up until about...yep, 3am, got up at 5:30am Sunday and drove to the Renaissance Charlotte for an incredibly crowded bridal expo. Phew! Makes me tired just typing about it. It was good, though. I think Sarah got some good thoughts out of the expo, and she was able to enter a bunch of drawings (cross your fingers!). Christina and Nichole came over for girls night, which should become a Sunday night tradition...I'm gonna have to run it by the girls. We ate Chili's and watched Grey's Anatomy (best show ever!) I finally went to bed around midnight...only to be called at 2 in the morning by Cory (more about him later). So, after a really great (but really long) conversation, it was yet again 5am and I was going back to sleep...this day will never end.

Monday, what is there to say about Monday other than it's the worst day of the week. I have a feeling this week is going to be pretty eventful...it always seems to be when my Mondays are full of crazy things. The day started off with a text message from Ryan...hmmm. So we wrote back and forth a bit, just talking about random things, and then he's all: you know, you can call me sometime if you want to BS or something. And I said to myself...this is not ok, he has a girlfriend (yep, it's been confirmed...even jerks get dates before me!) and I remember when this ex of his called him all the time, it didn't make me feel good. I told him that and he was basically like: it's ok, you can call. So I told him I was always here if he wanted or needed to talk, but that I am struggling too much right now to BS with him...he never wrote back.

Other exciting news: I am spending Fourth of July weekend with a really old friend (no, he is not really old, we've just known each other for like 10 years) I am soooo excited (enter Cory). When I was a freshman in high school my brother was a senior. He participated in a local youth group and convinced me to go with him...the start to our great relationship. Well, there weren't too many kids my age that participated in this group, so I spent most of my time hanging out with Shawn and all his friends. I had like 8 big brothers during high school...fun fun fun. Well, Cory was one of them. I'm sure you can guess where this story is going...

So, Cory and I talked a lot after I graduated and went to school, hung out when we were both in town, it was great. Then we both just stopped putting the effort into it. He moved to Texas with his parents and I met Ryan. We haven't seen or spoken in about six years. That is incredible...but, we hooked back up on myspace and have been talking for the past week or two and it's been really great. He invited me down for Fourth of July weekend and I couldn't be more excited. It's going to be a bit awkward at first, I was like a kid sister to him and all their friends...they all antagonized me like crazy! So now I'm an adult, or am old enough to be considered one, and it's weird. I'm so nervous. I've changed a lot since we last saw each other.

One of the great things about Cory is how real he is...we talked for three hours last night (or this morning, whatever) and found out stuff that neither one of us had any idea of. Turns out we have more in common than either of us thought...weird. I'm excited to see his mom again, he told me she was pretty excited when he told her I was coming. It's cute. It's nice to know he is still grounded in his faith...even though he might be struggling with some issues, it is always there.

Who knows what that weekend is going to be like, I'm going to be there for awhile. I get in on Friday night and come back on Wednesday morning...wow, that's a long time. But, he's got all kinds of stuff planned so I know it's going to go by way too quick. Enough about this...I'll update as interesting stuff comes up.

The countdown is coming to an end...we're down to 7 days till Europe. Yay!!!

growing through His love...