101

I didn't realize that my last post was number 100. I should have posted something much more profound and celebratory...oh well. I'm now settled into the apartment and missing the house terribly. The dogs bark at everything. I mean everything! A door closes on the other side of the community...they bark. The fish survived another move. There's only two, but I was worried because one of them has taken to floating upside down and I was sure he was gonna require a burial at see once we got here....keep those fingers crossed cause he's still swimming upside down!!! I think he's trying to be Nemo.

I've started journaling. Thinking about finally starting to write my book. I'm not sure. I keep throwing ideas around in my head but can't seem to commit to one. Seems like everyone is writing a book these days. Kinda don't want to do it so that I don't follow the crowd....but I've been throwing ideas around for years so I wonder if I should keep journaling until something forms on its own. One prominent idea has to do with military life. Not that I've been too immersed, yet. The reason I keep coming back to this is because there's not a whole lot out there (that I've found) for people in my situation. I got a book that ended up being nothing like what it advertised. It wasn't written well and left me extremely unsatisfied. I don't know.

I do know I miss my husband terribly. It seems to be getting worse as time goes on. I'm so lonely for his company. I thought I would be used to it by now but it seems the more I look to our future and when we will be together again, the more I miss him and beg father time to speed things up! By the time we're back together, we will have spent both our birthdays, wedding anniversary and first date anniversary apart. That kills me. In October we will have been together for 8 years. Ridiculous! It seems like I've loved him forever. I wish he was here.....I wish I was there.....

Plano PD

Plano PD is quickly becoming part of our family at the office. A few weeks ago our IT Tech had his laptop stolen (then returned) and early this morning our clubhouse was broken into. Nothing was stolen, luckily, but they tried hard for the flat screen! We found out that 6 other communities were hit in our area. It doesn't sound like the same group so we are worried that there will be another attempt...the others had rent stolen.

What a day. I got nothing done...nothing on my list anyway. The good news? After almost two weeks of ridiculously late nights and little sleep....the house is almost packed and moving day is near! I saw my apartment and it is wonderful! Well, as wonderful as a teenie tiny one bedroom can be! I'm excited. Which is more than I can say for last week at this time. I was angry and sad and not looking forward to this move at all. Now, the only thing I'm not looking forward to is the dogs being cooped up in the tiny apartment and not having a yard.

Ok, now I'm super excited about moving....there's a snake in the yard. And my mom is pretty sure it's a rattle snake. AHHHHHH! guess we won't be chillin in the backyard any time soon!

Ok. Time for bed. Work tomorrow...

Tonight was not a good night. I'm so lonely. I'm not even sure if lonely is the right word. I'm down right sad. I don't do well on my own. For anyone who knows me...I don't do well. It's not because I don't enjoy being alone. I do. I enjoy going at my own speed, whether it's crazy motivated or lazy day...it's kinda nice not worrying about someone waiting on you or not keeping up. There's just something missing. The human factor. I'm losing it. I need his affection...especially tonight.

I've stopped taking my "happy pill"...as my mom calls it. I'm glad about that. It's been a long time since I've truly felt emotions. In the beginning I didn't enjoy feeling them...things can be kind of intense. I wonder if that's because I've been suppressing them for so long. I haven't been experiencing the ups and downs of my life. Granted, my ups and downs can be a bit extreme...but I can work through that...right?

Tonight is the first time in a long time that I've just sat and cried. Not even cried...down right sobbed. At first I felt awful. Like the weight of my life was crashing in on me. After a bit it felt good...it was like I was being...purged? I'm not sure.

down memory road...

well, i'm beginning to pack...again. it feels like all i do is pack and unpack. moving back into an apartment. me and three dogs. lovely. the good news...i think our house is rented. the bad news...i think our house is rented.

packing always gets me looking at the past, which then causes the packing to take forever. i get distracted soooooo easily and without someone here to keep me on point there's no telling how long it will take me this time. that being said, i just found my album from europe 2006. it was incredible. i miss so much about that trip. mostly....i miss sara.

the moulin rouge...that's a night i'll never forget. loving and missing you...

wish these were my words....

Okay, I need to rant.

I was just watching the news, and I caught part of a report on Michael Jackson . As we all know, Jackson died the other day. He was an entertainer who performed for decades. He made millions, he spent millions, and he did a lot of things that make him a villain to many people. I understand that his death would affect a lot of people, and I respect those people who mourn his death, but that isn't the point of my rant.

Why is it that when ONE man dies, the whole of America loses their minds with grief. When a man dies whose only contribution to the country was to ENTERTAIN people, the Amercian people find the need to flock to a memorial in Hollywood , and even Congress sees the need to hold a "moment of silence" for his passing?

Am I missing something here? ONE man dies, and all of a sudden he's a freaking martyr because he entertained us for a few decades? What about all those SOLDIERS who have died to give us freedom? All those Soldiers who, knowing that they would be asked to fight in a war, still raised their hands and swore to defend the Constitution and the United States of America . Where is there moment of silence? Where are the people flocking to their graves or memorials and mourning over them because they made the ultimate sacrifice? Why is it when a Soldier dies, there are more people saying "good ridence," and "thank God for IEDs?" When did this country become so calloused to the sacrifice of GOOD MEN and WOMEN, that they can arbitrarily blow off their deaths, and instead, throw themselves into mourning for a "Pop Icon?"

I think that if they are going to hold a moment of silence IN CONGRESS for Michael Jackson, they need to hold a moment of silence for every service member killed in Iraq and Afghanistan . They need to PUBLICLY recognize every life that has been lost so that the American people can live their callous little lives in the luxory and freedom that WE,those that are living and those that have gone on, have provided for them. But, wait, that would take too much time, because there have been so many willing to make that sacrifice. After all, we will nevermake millions of dollars. We will never star in movies, or write hitsongs that the world will listen too. We only shed our blood, sweat and tears so that people can enjoy what they have.

Sorry if I have offended, but I needed to say it. Feel free to passthis along if you want.

Remember these five words the next time you think of someone who is serving in the military; "So that others may live..."

-- Isaac

Only two people have ever effectively given their lives for you. Jesus Christ and The American G.I. One died for your sins, the other died to give you freedom.

Love & Blessings!!!

He turns a wilderness into a pool of water and a dry ground into water springs. Psalm 107:35

words...

i really want to put my thoughts down but don't really know where to start. i have so much going on that nothing seems to make any sense. i didn't used to have this problem. it's frustrating. i've never really had this problem and what makes it worse is that my 'h' key broke and is no longer with me so i have to push really hard on the spot where it used to be but sometimes it doesn't work and so i have to push it again and then it types like four 'h's.....ahhhhhhhh! and everything has an 'h' in it....of course. forget it. i'm kinda tired and should try to go to sleep. don't really know where to start anyway. i'll try again tomorrow. hugs, kisses and lots of love.

Hello again....

It's been a while since I've written....which is weird because I have so much running through my head every day and I like to get it out so I can relax. I guess it has something to do with being on the computer for 15 hours a day. Which, by the way, is why I now have glasses!!!!! I will post some pictures so that you all may make fun of me and call me four eyes!

For those of you who are far away....I miss you terribly and think about you every day. For those who are close....I also think about you every day but don't necessarily miss you terribly!!!

I am going to get on tonight (I hope!) and get all these random thoughts out of my head. I think I'm going to start writing my book....been procrastinating long enough. See...random!!!!! I love you all and carry you each in my heart.

struggling to grow through His love...