coward

some people are probably confused and angry, maybe a bit hurt...because of me. i can finally let go of this huge burden and i don't think it's going to make me feel any better. i've spent the past three or four months avoiding amazing people who have helped me through some difficult times in my life and shared in some really great events. there's no excuse, i did it on purpose...i just wasn't ready to tell what has been going on. a little because i didn't want some people to know (and we all know how quickly news travels in our world) and a little because i'm not sure how you tell those who are among the most important that you're making some changes. and how do you tell them all at once so no one hears from anyone but me? i don't know. i decided on this...we'll see how it goes.

i am resigning from the army. before the end of the month i will be moving to atlanta. ryan and i are together and trying to figure out what went wrong.

most of you are probably not surprised by my break from the army. you know my frustrations, my disappointments and my needs. it is something that has been a long time coming and it's just been within the past few months that i've admitted it to myself and begun the process in moving on.

atlanta. why atlanta? well, i have been applying in other areas but atlanta seems to be the one where things are working out. i applied for this really great position out in seattle but never heard anything. i've also been applying in montana but most employers won't even read your resume if you're not local...frustrating! i even applied and interviewed for some positions here in town but nothing seemed to go anywhere. i enjoy atlanta. there are people i know and love that are there and i'm really excited for this change.

ryan and i are also together. we began talking before the trip to europe and things just progressed into this new relationship. we had dinner one night and decided our relationship was worth another try...weird. if you would have asked me six months ago, i probably would have said i didn't see us getting back together any time soon but here we are. it's been really great, too. we've both grown and understand what is going on in our own mind a little better. we realized that communication was lost between us and are trying so hard to talk about things before we react rather than react and pick up the pieces later...amazing concept, really.

what's amazing is that a year ago i was lonely, depressed with my life and wondering how things were going to get worse. good friends, good family and an incredible Father have helped me work through those feelings and be happy with me. i love all of you who are helping me work towards becoming the person i am meant to be. i am only moving out of town, not out of your life. i'm sorry for being distant. i thought about all of you every day, just didn't know what to say.

growing through His love...