why...
tonight is one of those nights. one of those nights where i sit here and wonder why...why do i keep going back? why can't i move forward and move away from him. something in me stays in the past, holding on to a relationship i'm not meant to have. something i shouldn't have because it was bad...yet i can't seem to forget it. and i'm not sure if i want to.
i miss it. i miss the excitement of waiting to see him, the happiness when we first got together, dreaming about the future, wondering where our lives would take us...
the past few weeks, since i was sucked into the myspace craze (or sucked into 'my space', as i like to call it), i've been thinking a lot about why things happen the way they do. why some people can remain in contact with the majority of people they grew up with, developing those lifetime friendships where you have pictures of going to kindergarten together or dressing up for a school play; and then others travel through their lives making friends and leaving them as they move on.
i have re-connected with people who knew me in elementary school when i was a weird new student who had just moved from some crazy place they had never heard of, i found people who went through middle school and high school with me, we claimed to be best friends forever...and then came college. i look back and hate that our friendship couldn't withstand a little distance...and it wasn't even that much! we went home on every break, could take weekend trips if we wanted, but we didn't. we didn't feel the other was worth the effort...
what is it about being apart that makes some of us slowly work a person out of our life? after i graduated and moved down here i noticed things changing between us...i was developing this new life that he wasn't involved in, at least not on a consistent basis. he was still at school, moving forward with the friendships we had there. and then when he graduated and moved to a different place...it's almost as if we were destined to fail. not only was my 'separate life' continuing to grow, but he was starting one of his own. these lives demanded so much of our time and attention that we had little to no energy to work on staying connected...well, maybe he didn't.
after he moved, i put my life on hold and tried my hardest to pry my way into his...it almost worked. i was almost in...wonder what i did wrong. did i get too cocky and loosen my grip? who knows...it's all for the best, right?
growing through His love...
i miss it. i miss the excitement of waiting to see him, the happiness when we first got together, dreaming about the future, wondering where our lives would take us...
the past few weeks, since i was sucked into the myspace craze (or sucked into 'my space', as i like to call it), i've been thinking a lot about why things happen the way they do. why some people can remain in contact with the majority of people they grew up with, developing those lifetime friendships where you have pictures of going to kindergarten together or dressing up for a school play; and then others travel through their lives making friends and leaving them as they move on.
i have re-connected with people who knew me in elementary school when i was a weird new student who had just moved from some crazy place they had never heard of, i found people who went through middle school and high school with me, we claimed to be best friends forever...and then came college. i look back and hate that our friendship couldn't withstand a little distance...and it wasn't even that much! we went home on every break, could take weekend trips if we wanted, but we didn't. we didn't feel the other was worth the effort...
what is it about being apart that makes some of us slowly work a person out of our life? after i graduated and moved down here i noticed things changing between us...i was developing this new life that he wasn't involved in, at least not on a consistent basis. he was still at school, moving forward with the friendships we had there. and then when he graduated and moved to a different place...it's almost as if we were destined to fail. not only was my 'separate life' continuing to grow, but he was starting one of his own. these lives demanded so much of our time and attention that we had little to no energy to work on staying connected...well, maybe he didn't.
after he moved, i put my life on hold and tried my hardest to pry my way into his...it almost worked. i was almost in...wonder what i did wrong. did i get too cocky and loosen my grip? who knows...it's all for the best, right?
growing through His love...
posted by Sheri | 11:03 PM
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