Service
I'm sitting at our front desk right now, giving the receptionist a break for lunch. I had an encounter with a woman a few minutes ago and was going to vent about our clients and their lack of appreciation for all that our agency does for them...but I've changed my mind. If I'm ever going to be released from this funk I am in, I'm going to have to choose my moods and how I deal with situations. Step one is realizing you have a problem...step two is figuring out what it is.
Well, it's now 13 hours after I began writing this entry and I'm up at CWJ with Sarah...surprise, surprise. After re-reading the beginning paragraph, I was amazed at where today went and how things can change.
After finishing a quick afternoon at work, Sarah and I drove home by way of Archdale and, after crazy slow traffic, found ourselves at Value Village (one of our favorite thrift stores)...coincidence or divine intervention? We spent a couple of hours combing the racks and shelves and both left with some great finds...Sarah now has an overload of crafts waiting to be done.
Our plans went from don't really need to hurry but we want to see Ainsley and Julie so let's not take too long, to why can't we get moving, how did it get to be 10pm and we're still packing? So we grabbed Harvey and hit the rode...what a drive. Harvey cracks me up. As annoying as he is, I love him and he is precious. At one point he was finally getting comfy in the back seat when I had to put the breaks on kinda quick...and he tumbled onto the floor. Sarah and I found this hilarious, especially when he would only put his back end and hind legs on the seat and the rest of him on the floor for fear of being thrown off again. We laughed for a good 10 minutes.
During the drive, Sarah was able to talk with Jeff and I was able to do some thinking...which is good and bad. Sometimes I wonder if I think too much, which makes me think about why I think too much...which turns into a never-ending cycle of thinking...but back to thinking during the drive up to Camp.
I thought a lot about the situation with the woman this afternoon and wondering if I could have handled it in a different way. Did I come across as rude or uninterested in the problems she was going through, or did I just seem indifferent or removed from the situation? Is this something that comes with working for a social service organization? Do you eventually become immune to the emotions of the clients you serve, seeing them as some sort of inconvenience rather than someone in need. Does their bad mood or unhappiness give me permission to be curt or treat them with little or no compassion? I don't think so.
I've been told that I wear my emotions on my sleeve, and I'm pretty sure I've talked about how emotionally open I am...but does this put me at a disadvantage when trying to 'do the most good'? I seem to reach one extreme or the other when interacting with our clients; I am either weeping with them over their heartbreaking story about being raped and raising three children on your own, or I am frustrated and irritable with those who are grumpy or impatient. What makes their situation any less heartbreaking than the other persons? Just because someone went through a 'tragedy' doesn't make them any more in need than someone who didn't. I think every situation is a tragedy. When a family is unable to provide for themselves and must swallow their pride to ask someone for help...Especially strangers, strangers who get paid to "help" you. I wouldn't be in too good a mood, either. Some people working in social services are only around for a paycheck and have absolutely no compassion for anyone who comes in, 'tragedy' or not.
So I've been feeling pretty crummy about my inability to balance my feelings and show compassion to all of our clients, no matter how frustrating they are. I want to be able to 'fake it'. Though, a good friend told me I wouldn't be faking it...I would actually be acting like an adult, taking control of my feelings and being able to put them aside in order to interact with others in a way that my face isn't telling them how unhappy I am. Man, I hope this isn't something a lot of people notice about me...I hope some of my friends are oblivious to my grumpy moods or horrible facial expressions. What a habit to break.
I'm blessed, though. I have an incredible friend who is not only able to admit and discuss things about herself that she doesn't find completely desirable, but she desires to improve those things...and to help me improve mine. We've made a pact, a pact? Well, I guess some sort of arrangement that will help us see when we are acting in a counter-productive way. We will do our best to point it out in the heat of the moment, but won't if we're around others so as not to embarrass one another. If it works, it will be a level of accountability I've never experienced before. Not only will she be calling out my horrible behavior, but she will be expecting me to correct it. I'm terrified of finding out how often I do these things and what it makes her think while I'm doing them.
Ok, I think I'm starting to ramble, but at 3am I guess that's to be expected. I just want to say that I'm blessed to have people in my life who love me despite all my horrible qualities and foul moods and bad hairdays...this latest funk has been the worst. With the grace of God and the support of loved ones...this funk, too, shall pass.
growing through His love...
Well, it's now 13 hours after I began writing this entry and I'm up at CWJ with Sarah...surprise, surprise. After re-reading the beginning paragraph, I was amazed at where today went and how things can change.
After finishing a quick afternoon at work, Sarah and I drove home by way of Archdale and, after crazy slow traffic, found ourselves at Value Village (one of our favorite thrift stores)...coincidence or divine intervention? We spent a couple of hours combing the racks and shelves and both left with some great finds...Sarah now has an overload of crafts waiting to be done.
Our plans went from don't really need to hurry but we want to see Ainsley and Julie so let's not take too long, to why can't we get moving, how did it get to be 10pm and we're still packing? So we grabbed Harvey and hit the rode...what a drive. Harvey cracks me up. As annoying as he is, I love him and he is precious. At one point he was finally getting comfy in the back seat when I had to put the breaks on kinda quick...and he tumbled onto the floor. Sarah and I found this hilarious, especially when he would only put his back end and hind legs on the seat and the rest of him on the floor for fear of being thrown off again. We laughed for a good 10 minutes.
During the drive, Sarah was able to talk with Jeff and I was able to do some thinking...which is good and bad. Sometimes I wonder if I think too much, which makes me think about why I think too much...which turns into a never-ending cycle of thinking...but back to thinking during the drive up to Camp.
I thought a lot about the situation with the woman this afternoon and wondering if I could have handled it in a different way. Did I come across as rude or uninterested in the problems she was going through, or did I just seem indifferent or removed from the situation? Is this something that comes with working for a social service organization? Do you eventually become immune to the emotions of the clients you serve, seeing them as some sort of inconvenience rather than someone in need. Does their bad mood or unhappiness give me permission to be curt or treat them with little or no compassion? I don't think so.
I've been told that I wear my emotions on my sleeve, and I'm pretty sure I've talked about how emotionally open I am...but does this put me at a disadvantage when trying to 'do the most good'? I seem to reach one extreme or the other when interacting with our clients; I am either weeping with them over their heartbreaking story about being raped and raising three children on your own, or I am frustrated and irritable with those who are grumpy or impatient. What makes their situation any less heartbreaking than the other persons? Just because someone went through a 'tragedy' doesn't make them any more in need than someone who didn't. I think every situation is a tragedy. When a family is unable to provide for themselves and must swallow their pride to ask someone for help...Especially strangers, strangers who get paid to "help" you. I wouldn't be in too good a mood, either. Some people working in social services are only around for a paycheck and have absolutely no compassion for anyone who comes in, 'tragedy' or not.
So I've been feeling pretty crummy about my inability to balance my feelings and show compassion to all of our clients, no matter how frustrating they are. I want to be able to 'fake it'. Though, a good friend told me I wouldn't be faking it...I would actually be acting like an adult, taking control of my feelings and being able to put them aside in order to interact with others in a way that my face isn't telling them how unhappy I am. Man, I hope this isn't something a lot of people notice about me...I hope some of my friends are oblivious to my grumpy moods or horrible facial expressions. What a habit to break.
I'm blessed, though. I have an incredible friend who is not only able to admit and discuss things about herself that she doesn't find completely desirable, but she desires to improve those things...and to help me improve mine. We've made a pact, a pact? Well, I guess some sort of arrangement that will help us see when we are acting in a counter-productive way. We will do our best to point it out in the heat of the moment, but won't if we're around others so as not to embarrass one another. If it works, it will be a level of accountability I've never experienced before. Not only will she be calling out my horrible behavior, but she will be expecting me to correct it. I'm terrified of finding out how often I do these things and what it makes her think while I'm doing them.
Ok, I think I'm starting to ramble, but at 3am I guess that's to be expected. I just want to say that I'm blessed to have people in my life who love me despite all my horrible qualities and foul moods and bad hairdays...this latest funk has been the worst. With the grace of God and the support of loved ones...this funk, too, shall pass.
growing through His love...
posted by Sheri | 11:57 AM
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