unanswered

I am praying for only one set of footprints, that he is carrying me through this day.

Alison Krauss-you say it best... is playing on my computer. It's one of my favorite songs, but it usually brings back unhappy memories. It brings thoughts of Ryan and our relationship...it was going to be our wedding song.

Lately I listen to this song and think of other things. I still see it being played at my wedding...but now I look at it in a different way. I think of Him when I hear these words and I know that at my wedding this song will be a small way for my husband and I to lift our hearts and share our love with Him, blending three hearts to one.

It's amazing how you can speak right to my heart
Without saying a word you can light up the dark
Try as I may I could never explain
What I hear when you don't say a thing

Why can't I hear...

Today I give up trying to understand why things happen the way they do...I succumb to His desire and will no longer fight for what I want, what I want, I want, want want want. Typing it so many times kinda takes away its meaning. It now just looks kinda funny.

What does it mean to want? Why are we able to want things and think they are so right when they aren't...or when they can't be right now. When do you get hit with that magical feeling and know that it's no longer a want, but now it's a need. I have an awful time distinguishing between want and need. I mean, I really need a sweater because it gets chilly sometimes...but I want it in every color!

What is the lesson behind something beautiful and wonderful and...right...being a want and not a need. Bringing something amazing into your life, just to take it away.

WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME?????!!!!!!

Why can't I pull up out of this funk and put things on the right track. Why am I always so sad. Why can I reach out and touch something wonderful and still not quite reach it. Why...

Struggling...growing through His love