7 days

a lot of stuff is going through my head right now. i'm not sure where to start so i guess i'll just write and see what comes out. i'm not going to go back and edit and this worries me for a couple of reasons. 1: once something is down on paper and out for others to see it, it can't be taken back. 2: i don't know what is going to come out. 3: i'm a little sad right now. 4: this will probably be one giant paragraph which makes for difficult reading. well, let's cross our fingers and see where this goes. one week from this very moment i will no longer be sheri gregory. this is a bit uncomfortable because i have been sheri gregory for over 25 years. who will sheri comes (pronounced combs) be? will she be a good wife? a good daughter? a good daughter in law? will she be a good mother? will she love herself more than sheri gregory has? i worry about marriage. not so much about getting married, more so about making sure neither one of us gives up. i love him so much and know he loves me. he's my best friend and my greatest supporter. will we be able to have children? will we survive having a child? will a child bring us closer or tear us apart...there are so many who get torn apart. i'm sad i won't share our day with many of my friends. i'm thrilled for those who will be there, but devastated for those who won't. i know...wait, hope...it's nothing personal. that it's not because my marriage is not supported, but one can't help but wonder. next to your birthday, which anyone who knows me should know my thoughts on birthdays. if you don't know...birthdays are the most important thing to me. not necessarily my birthday, but everyone i know. it's the day you were born. the day god wanted you to become a part of the world. without that one, special day that you can call your own i would not have had the blessing to know you...now you know. so, besides a birthday and your deathday, the wedding is the most important. wow. three days that are important. kind of ironic because three is my favorite number. if there is a point to having a favorite number i guess. i don't know why it's three. one thing i've always said is that three represents something very important in a relationship: your love, my love and our love. without it we are nothing. it also represents the father, son and holy spirit. without them we are nothing. and now i see that it represents your birthday, deathday and wedding day. some might read this and scoff (is that even a real word?) at these three days, but here's my reasoning behind it: on my birthday i came into the world. i had this fresh new life ahead of me and was given the opportunity to make of it what god has guided me to do. i was introduced to family, friends and all things good and bad in the world. i was given the freedom to make choices that might not be right, but was always supported by my family and my lord. on my wedding day, i will again go into the world. i will go into the world with a fresh new life ahead of me where i have the opportunity to do what god wants me to with the person he wants me to do it with. i will love and honor my husband and support him through the choices he makes. i will have the chance to make choices of my own and they may not always be right, but i will make them with the support of my family, husband and the lord. on my deathday, i will again begin a new life. a life where i don't have to make any decisions. i will be in this life because of all the decisions i have made in both previous lives. it will be a beautiful place. so, that's my three. my three special days. well, most special. i know bringing a life into the world will be up there, but above all that will be my child's special day. the day they start their cycle of three. wow. i'm done talking about three. on thursday morning we will be on a flight headed to charlotte. first houston, then charlotte. once in charlotte i will begin my final three days as a single woman. but really, are we ever truly single? i don't think so. i don't have the energy to go into this thought but i will at a later date. during these past few days i have thought a lot about where i've been in the past year. one year ago today i was thinking about ryan. wondering if i would be able to forgive him for everything we had been through, knowing i couldn't not. i was preparing to head to atlanta with the drama group to perform at commissioning. i thought i had found my place in life. i thought i was beginning a career, but knew i was miserable. i knew i was miserable because i was in love with ryan and wasn't ready to admit it to myself. i was miserable at work. miserable at home and longed for a sign about what to do with my life. here i am. one year later. getting married. excited about a family. living in texas. hmmm. during the time apart from ryan i experienced many things. many bad things, many trying things, many amazing things i never want to forget. i met amazing people. people who became intense role models. i lost amazing people for reasons i will never understand. i contemplated friendships i had and now wonder where they went. i experienced great love and great loss. i opened and gave all of myself to everyone and realized i did nothing but set myself up for incredible disappointment. i became bitter. part of my heart died. i considered a law suit decided it was beyond repair and let it fall to the side. i learned to forgive and love again. well. i am done. i have no more to write so this is where i will stop. seven days from now i will begin my new life. i'm terrified and unbelievably excited. please let me grow through His love...