3:30 am...really?

well, it's very early in the morning. no, i haven't been up the entire night. i'm one of the lucky ones who goes to sleep and randomly wakes up a few hours later. i am now sitting in my spare bedroom, watching that movie where adam sandler is the devils son and reese witherspoon is his mom and an angel. i'm not a huge fan of the movie but for some reason am unable to pick up the remote and change the channel...weird. to help get over the fact that the channel will not be changed, i thought i would give an actual update of my life and why i suck at keeping in touch.

still loving it down here. it's so weird to look at the calendar and realize that at this time last year i was up at this time of night because i was having a panick attack about work. don't get me wrong, as much as i hated the stress, the final four and a half days of this season were what i lived for...and last year was the best. the satisfaction of organizing such an incredible gift for so many people...i miss the reward of interacting with those who were grateful and hearing how we had been a blessing to them. one thing that helps is my new company. they care deeply for the residents in our communities, especially single parents. next saturday we are hosting a big luncheon for single parents and their children. stories of last year illustrate the fun to be had. four cars were give away...FOUR CARS!!! and get this, they thought and planned enough ahead to realize these people might need help with maintenance and have that worked out (first year is complimentary) and are developing plans to help these parents have an account to be able to take over the responsibility. they are helping them learn how to manage their money and lives. i'm so proud to say i work for them.

so, i've been working hard. i'm actually halfway good at it, too. i love my office. there are four of us in the leasing office and five that are on the maintenance side. everyone is fantastic. it really is amazing how things can come together and work out so perfectly (or as close to perfect as it can get). terry is our accountant and has been with Walton for ever. she is our all knowing mother figure who is awesome about teaching me and really helping me understand why. robin is the manager of our community and brings the sanity and reality to our group in such a calm manner. she worked with Post properties for many years and came to Walton about a year ago. she has so much wisdom and is helping me become less passive and more assertive. chris. what is there to say about chris. he is our assistant manager/car enforcer/computer guru/eviction backup/on and on and on. he is the blessing that for some reason was very persistant in getting me hired. i guess God gives his vision to someone and holds strong. anyway...he is the one who trained me, sits next to me at work and entertains me all day. he is a much needed big brother/father figure who is my falcon ticket hook up!!! (he likes and finds free stuff more than a non profit worker!!!) i would tell you about each and every person on the staff, but it would take so long to write about them all. there is rosa, gary, jimmy, fernando and rolando. beautiful people who enrich my life so much. i will write about them later.

so, each week we have goals and target apartments to lease. last week we had a goal of six leases and actually had five. i'm very proud to say i leased four of those five apartments!!! and i only had a two day week!!! i love meeting new people and making new friends. learning about their life and what has brought them to me. everyone has something to bring to my life and i truly believe i have something to bring to theirs. for some it may only be a few minutes of conversation with someone who listens, to others it is the comfort of knowing that the next year of their life will be spent living in a community where the office cares about their problems and enjoys hearing from them.

well, i think i'm coming down from my work high. i should talk about why i can't seem to be a good friend and do much more than think about the people i love and how i want to talk to them.

there are now five of us in this apartment. me, ryan, patches, jackson and maggie. sammy is now living with my sister. all three of them were 'fixed' last week. this means we have had the good time of watching all three run around with cones on their head for the past week. hilarious!!! it also means we have to try to keep them from being all active and let them heal...yeah, right. well, everyone's still alive and in one piece. we're slowly introducing the cats to the dog and trying to get her to stop being so excited when she sees them. we're so worried she is going to think they are one of her toys and...well...i'll let your imagination take it from there.

so, aside from work and the animals, ryan and i have been getting to know each other again. a couple weeks ago we took a trip to northern georgia and went hiking. found some great cabins and are hoping to go back with some friends for a ski weekend. sunday we are going to get a tree for the apartment and decorate. i'm so excited!!! things have been going well. not perfect, which is fine with me because i'd be scared if things were perfect. but i definitely notice a change in our relationship. he's matured so much, sometimes it scares me. he's looking into grad school at georgia tech. everyone down here calls it tech but i can't. when i say tech it still means virginia tech to me. anyway. i'm really proud of him. he's stepping up and being a man and showing that he cares about me and wants to take care of me. wanna hear something really scary??? we've looked at engagement rings. ahhhhhh!!! not sure if i'm ready for that yet but i guess we'll find out if/when the time comes.

so. now that the excuses are done i guess i can get down to talking about my emotional issues and why i have trouble staying in touch. and let me preface this by telling you all that since moving to georgia i have succeeded in getting my degree in psychology so i totally know what i'm talking about. checks can be sent c/o walton river, atlanta, ga made out to sheri in the amount of $3,000...hey! nothings free!!! ;-)

well, being up late at night gives you time to analyze your actions and what i've come up with is the following:

i had a few issues when growing up. i had trouble accepting that someone might like me for me and want to be my friend for the long run. i think this is where i developed my love completely and openly for as long as it is meant to be. my parents used to joke on me because it seemed like every year in school i had a new 'best friend' that i spent all my time with.

most everyone i ever knew has moved away (or i've moved away) and it's like we've disappeared from each others life. after some time in college trying to stay in touch with friends at other schools and making the trips to visit them without the effort being returned, i began to wonder if it was me. i know i'm a difficult person to live with and understand (at least somewhat) why i hardly speak to most of my former roommates...but i couldn't understand why regular friends didn't find me important enough to make the effort. after awhile i decided i wouldn't be the one left behind wondering what i had done wrong.

this has helped a lot over the years. most everyone i know has lived up to my expectations and when my effort is gone...so is theirs. i mourn a bit but am thankful that they were in my life for a season and i was able to learn and grow from them. i hope i was able to contribute to their life in a way that if or when they think of me, they think of me fondly.

well, i don't know if this opens a window and allows any insight into the maze that is my heart and mind...i hope so. i'm starting to get tired and my thoughts are running together so i'm going to say a little prayer that this makes an ounce of sense and say good night.

4:40 am and praying for a couple hours of sleep. my throat is killing me!!!

growing through His love...and yours